Relationships

Knowing When It’s Time to Move On…and Doing It
© Ann Catherine Pawelczyk, C.Ht.

Peacefully releasing an intimate relationship is one of our greatest challenges in life. There
are few things in life more painful, difficult, and traumatic than breaking up with someone we
have loved…what’s even worse is being released by someone we love when we “aren’t
ready”.

What prompted me primarily to write about this subject is an influx in recent months of
hypnotherapy clients involved in negative relationships seeking hypnosis help to move on.
Working one on one with their pain has emphasized for me that staying in bad relationships
is too terribly common and traumatic to ignore, and there are many out in the world that
need support in getting through it. Maybe this includes you, or someone you know…

Additionally, I speak from personal experience on this one, having (many years ago) been
in a long-term bad and addictive relationship that consisted of a series of painful breakups
and brief reconciliation’s. For nearly a decade, my life was on hold, and I had long ceased
to learn or gain anything positive from the situation. I was extremely unbalanced and just
couldn’t seem to find a way to “stay away”, even though I knew it’s what I needed most to
do...to move on. In truth, I was addicted to my bad relationship.

Summing up a “bad” relationship it’s time to release:
 Feeling never-ending frustration, anger, and/or fear;
 Feeling it’s potential is always “just beyond reach”;
 Relationship lacks in what both partners need;
 You have little in common, and big lack of communication;
 Progressive low self esteem, which prevents further growth and healthy mobility;
 Feeling you are unable to be yourself and therefore wearing a “mask”;
 Realizing you no longer have a support system outside of that person;

Extreme signs that you may need to seek professional support and/or the aid of law
enforcement to help you move on, recover, and get healthy:
 The presence of physical, sexual, mental, or emotional abuse;
 Finding yourself or seeing the other person acting out in negative ways for control;
 Financial dependence on the other person or vice versa, including financial controlling;
 Always trying to please the other person in unreasonable ways for acceptance or peace;
 Self-medicating with drugs and alcohol to cope;
 Promiscuity that compromises health and safety;
 Lying to your partner (or being lied to) about normal things you are doing for fear of
repercussion;
 Lying to family and friends about what’s really going on in the relationship for fear of
shame and humiliation.

Signs you are in an addictive relationship:
Listed below are several signs of addiction. Consider whether they apply to you:
1. When you think about the relationship actually ending, you are consumed with
unbearable, anxiety, and fear;
2. You feel no one else will want you besides your partner and don’t want to be alone;
3. Rationalizing reasons to stay that are not accurate, or enough to balance out the
negative;
4. You know the relationship has long been over and take no real steps toward releasing it;
5. When you do take steps to end it you suffer awful mental and emotional pain that goes
away when you reestablish contact;

If some of these apply to you, you are probably in an unhealthy, addictive relationship.
What this most likely means is that you’ve become unable to control and direct your own life
at the current time. However, you CAN move toward a “recovery”.

Deep seated subconscious attitudes and beliefs about what relationships are about can
sometimes be responsible for skewed perceptions and action we find ourselves engaging in
with regard to relationships. At the deepest level, these unconscious feelings can be
responsible for feeling “stuck”. We are living on “auto-pilot” (subconscious beliefs) and feel
a complete lack of control over our feelings, ability to rationalize, and our own behavior.
This can be changed easily with re-framing and positive reinforcement.

Strategies to Overcome Relationship Addictions
 Courageously face your own problems and shortcomings;
 Cultivate whatever needs to be developed in yourself starting with self esteem and peace
of mind;
 Be more focused on your own needs so that you will no longer need to seek security by
trying to make others change;
 Learn not to get "hooked" into the games of relationships;
 Speak out and find a support group;
 Share with others what you have experienced and learned;
 Realize it’s natural to go through a grieving process that includes denial, anger,
bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance;
 Forgive yourself;
 Nurture your health and wellness during the painful period;
 Make future plans for your highest benefit and growth;
 Consider getting professional help.

Authentic personal power is rooted in the deepest source of our being and an authentically
powered person can never be a victim. What we truly are can never be diminished and
love, compassion, and wisdom are from the soul. Going to the soul level we gain ability to
recognize and embrace healing, creativity, and love.

When the energy of the soul is acknowledged and valued it begins to integrate with our
personality. When personality fully serves our soul purpose, we become authentically
empowered. Aligning the personality and the soul means you view your personality as the
vehicle to your person evolution. Choose your intentions and shape your evolution by
focusing your attention on what you do want, not what you don’t want. The Universe will
find ways to bring you that which you intend and desire, so focus only on the best possible
outcome. Every situation we encounter in life gives us the opportunity to further align our
personality with the soul essence to create continued healing, wisdom, and love.

Published in Michigan's Body Mind Spirit Guide Magazine, July 2008
© All Rights Reserved. Reprints with permission.