Drama Triangle: Playing the Role of Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor
© Ann Catherine Pawelczyk, C.Ht.
Each one of you reading this right now has read at least one story in which there is a victim,
rescuer, and persecutor in the story line…so, guess what? All three characters are YOU!
We create drama games in relationships, accidentally AND on purpose. We trade in our position
of the “should-know-better” adult for the victim that needs help, the person responsible for
something bad, and the rescuer that makes things all better.
Here’s the strategic game of the drama triangle: once you play one role, you’ll eventually cover all
three. Each part played needs the others just to be. Just try to think of any situation you’ve
experienced or can fabricate that doesn’t fit this pattern… you can’t, can you? No one is exempt!
These games hide the truth about personal power. For example, the victim appears the weakest
in the triad, when in reality; the victim holds the MOST power. The victim creates and sustains the
triangle. Regardless of where we begin on the triangle, we always end up in the victim position,
which means as long as we perpetuate any point of the triangle, we give life to victim-hood!
The point in which we enter the triangle is also the role we define ourselves within, becoming a
part of who we are, and how we view our self. Often these roles and interpretations have roots in
childhood and family scenarios. We develop core beliefs – often unconsciously, as a result of
early environment. These core beliefs are the foundation for later “unwitting” selection of the
roles and positions we step into later in life as adults – our “pattern”.
The Victim can be angry or weak. The blame stemming from guilt perpetuates the cycle,
completing the triad. When the victim seeks pity, manipulation techniques reign heavy behind the
scenes to fulfill the need. The angry victim blames everyone else for whatever “wrong” has been
“done” to them. Both tactics are a way to avoid being “real” with others by sharing emotions,
thoughts, and feelings openly. The victim needs to be validated and acknowledged, but on their
terms.
The Rescuer often “rescues” for selfish purposes of avoiding guilt in not helping because he or
she feels she “should”. The “should” belief system is often one that is fostered and nurtured by
religion and family in early years. As many of us do on a daily basis, the rescuer sacrifices
personal needs and desires for the “benefit” of someone else. The rescuer acts as a magnet for
“needy” people.
The Persecutor is often seen as the “blamer” and operates from a perceived power point in which
emotional competitiveness is present. This position is the one in which someone else is always at
fault for something. Underneath the facade of the “power point”, the one persecuting does so
from the real point of feeling inadequate or less than, and doesn’t take no for an answer due to
lack of personal boundaries. The persecutor is also seen as the “bully” or “troublemaker” of
unpleasant situations.
So outside of the fact that these three characters are actually one in the same and represent all
of us, there are a few more important facts about the Drama Triangle I’d like to share with you.
The Drama Triangle causes pain, uses constant manipulation for personal advantage of some
sort, and avoids real emotional elements we need to have healthy relationships. The primary
factor acting as the catalyst in the sustenance of the triangle is lack of personal boundaries.
How to Break Yours:
• Start today by taking personal responsibility for yourself and the situations you’ve created and
allowed in your life. Unless we nurture something, it doesn’t stick around!
• Recognize and step into your personal power. Erase words like “I can’t” and “I’ll never” from your
vocabulary.
• Stop sacrificing your needs for someone else’s because you think it’s the “right thing” to do.
Besides enabling someone else’s lack of willingness to be responsible, you’re also shirking
responsibility to your own needs and desires.
• Dump painful beliefs by dealing. Allow yourself to feel uncomfortable! The more you avoid
uncomfortable feelings and realities, the longer they stick around.
• Realize when you “do” for someone else strictly from sense of obligation, you are really only
serving your own needs. Don’t forget when we do this, we are denying another person’s power to
increase sense of our own.
• Quit denying people and situations that make you feel bad. Feeling bad is a clear sign a limiting
belief is in effect, which can be recognized and released.
• Tell the truth. Get to the bottom of your personal truth and share it!
© All Rights Reserved. Reprints with permission.
This article is published in Michigan's Body Mind Spirit
Guide Magazine's October 2008 edition.
www.bodymindspiritguide.com
© Ann Catherine Pawelczyk, C.Ht.
Each one of you reading this right now has read at least one story in which there is a victim,
rescuer, and persecutor in the story line…so, guess what? All three characters are YOU!
We create drama games in relationships, accidentally AND on purpose. We trade in our position
of the “should-know-better” adult for the victim that needs help, the person responsible for
something bad, and the rescuer that makes things all better.
Here’s the strategic game of the drama triangle: once you play one role, you’ll eventually cover all
three. Each part played needs the others just to be. Just try to think of any situation you’ve
experienced or can fabricate that doesn’t fit this pattern… you can’t, can you? No one is exempt!
These games hide the truth about personal power. For example, the victim appears the weakest
in the triad, when in reality; the victim holds the MOST power. The victim creates and sustains the
triangle. Regardless of where we begin on the triangle, we always end up in the victim position,
which means as long as we perpetuate any point of the triangle, we give life to victim-hood!
The point in which we enter the triangle is also the role we define ourselves within, becoming a
part of who we are, and how we view our self. Often these roles and interpretations have roots in
childhood and family scenarios. We develop core beliefs – often unconsciously, as a result of
early environment. These core beliefs are the foundation for later “unwitting” selection of the
roles and positions we step into later in life as adults – our “pattern”.
The Victim can be angry or weak. The blame stemming from guilt perpetuates the cycle,
completing the triad. When the victim seeks pity, manipulation techniques reign heavy behind the
scenes to fulfill the need. The angry victim blames everyone else for whatever “wrong” has been
“done” to them. Both tactics are a way to avoid being “real” with others by sharing emotions,
thoughts, and feelings openly. The victim needs to be validated and acknowledged, but on their
terms.
The Rescuer often “rescues” for selfish purposes of avoiding guilt in not helping because he or
she feels she “should”. The “should” belief system is often one that is fostered and nurtured by
religion and family in early years. As many of us do on a daily basis, the rescuer sacrifices
personal needs and desires for the “benefit” of someone else. The rescuer acts as a magnet for
“needy” people.
The Persecutor is often seen as the “blamer” and operates from a perceived power point in which
emotional competitiveness is present. This position is the one in which someone else is always at
fault for something. Underneath the facade of the “power point”, the one persecuting does so
from the real point of feeling inadequate or less than, and doesn’t take no for an answer due to
lack of personal boundaries. The persecutor is also seen as the “bully” or “troublemaker” of
unpleasant situations.
So outside of the fact that these three characters are actually one in the same and represent all
of us, there are a few more important facts about the Drama Triangle I’d like to share with you.
The Drama Triangle causes pain, uses constant manipulation for personal advantage of some
sort, and avoids real emotional elements we need to have healthy relationships. The primary
factor acting as the catalyst in the sustenance of the triangle is lack of personal boundaries.
How to Break Yours:
• Start today by taking personal responsibility for yourself and the situations you’ve created and
allowed in your life. Unless we nurture something, it doesn’t stick around!
• Recognize and step into your personal power. Erase words like “I can’t” and “I’ll never” from your
vocabulary.
• Stop sacrificing your needs for someone else’s because you think it’s the “right thing” to do.
Besides enabling someone else’s lack of willingness to be responsible, you’re also shirking
responsibility to your own needs and desires.
• Dump painful beliefs by dealing. Allow yourself to feel uncomfortable! The more you avoid
uncomfortable feelings and realities, the longer they stick around.
• Realize when you “do” for someone else strictly from sense of obligation, you are really only
serving your own needs. Don’t forget when we do this, we are denying another person’s power to
increase sense of our own.
• Quit denying people and situations that make you feel bad. Feeling bad is a clear sign a limiting
belief is in effect, which can be recognized and released.
• Tell the truth. Get to the bottom of your personal truth and share it!
© All Rights Reserved. Reprints with permission.
This article is published in Michigan's Body Mind Spirit
Guide Magazine's October 2008 edition.
www.bodymindspiritguide.com
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